Tales from a rural bank – Ginger the cat
Millicent Pyle (53 and bank manager) appears a highly respected and successful member of her small, rural community. She contributes to village life and everyone knows her. But here, on Elderjuice, she reveals her innermost thoughts on life, her customers and her regular prescription drugs.
Posted by Elderjuice
on August 31, 2012. Filed under Banter.
Posted with the tags:country bankerYou can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.
It’s finally over. No, not the Olympics, though I’m glad they’re almost over.
All those tourists tramping through our countryside, with their zoom lenses, foreign languages, ignoring our byelaws, was too much for me.
Coming not to actually see the games but drink in the atmosphere. Bloody annoying – nearly as upsetting as the situation with Vera, the cleaner.
She killed my cat.
Ginger
Ginger sat under my desk in all his black and white beauty. He purred softly, and gently rubbed his body against my legs at some inappropriate moments. Like when the auditor from KMPG was grilling me regarding procedures for interbank money transfers and I kept interjecting with ‘oo’s’ and ‘ah’s’.
And the time when I screamed out ‘No! No!’ while giving mortgage advice to an young couple, just after the husband asked me, ‘Do you think your bank would be able to give us a loan based on our joint income?’
They walked out the bank disgusted. Wouldn’t have given them a mortgage anyway. He looked like a pompous arse and she was wearing a faux pearl necklace. Not our kind. Just like the cleaner.
Accent
Vera is foreign and she hated cats. Always muttering, ‘animals outside, not inside,’ in that awful shrill accent. So, when I turned up to work last week Wednesday and found a stiff Ginger under my desk, I knew she was the murderer.
My pain was too deep for words and tears, but not revenge. They say revenge is a dish served cold, well it was hot and piping that morning.
I picked up the phone, called The Immigration Office in London, told them that Vera had falsified her papers to stay in this country and that she was an illegal immigrant.
Border Control
Two Border Control Officers arrested her just as she turned up for her afternoon shift. She cried and screamed and called on the Virgin Mary and every other saint and small deity to save her.
She even had the nerve to look me in the eye and said, ‘Help me!’ Naturally, I looked the other way. Good riddance to bad rubbish, I say.
I understand that Vera’s in a deportation centre, somewhere in Bedford, wherever that is. Living off my taxes, I’m sure.
Ginger turned up all bright and bushy tailed this morning.
So, you see all’s well that ends well. It’s well and truly over now.
- Read more about the Country Banker
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6 Responses to Tales from a rural bank – Ginger the cat
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kinglear
August 31, 2012 at 1:37 pm
Eh? How come he was stiff and cold one minute and bright and bushy tailed the next?
Millicent Pyle
August 31, 2012 at 2:00 pm
Look,who knows what Vera did to him. Poor Ginger, he’s not been himself since. Maybe, I’ll get Brian to phone the deportation centre, in Brambley, Baxter, Bedford, wherever that is, to find out from you. I’ll dock his wages. Doing personal business on my time, is not on.
Not to be rude, but can probably find the number in the phone book. If you do find anything out, please call and let me know. Millicent.
Millicent Pyle
August 31, 2012 at 7:29 pm
You would think I can’t spell. Well, I can! I dictated the last piece to Brian, and what you see is the above result – full of errors and mistake! Just like him. You just can’t get the staff these days. Well, I gave him a warning. Stern and loud. I saw him quake in his boots. Well, he’ll know for next time.
I wonder if he had anything to do with my ‘stiff’ Ginger. Wouldn’t put it past him to do something so evil and then let poor Vera take the blame.
Must investigate…
kinglear
August 31, 2012 at 8:11 pm
I still don’t understand – was Ginge just PRETENDING in order to get you to get rid of Vera?
Douglas Alexander
September 2, 2012 at 3:50 pm
.. or is ” a stiff Ginger” a euphemism????
Millicent Pyle
September 3, 2012 at 5:04 pm
Good afternoon gentlemen,
This morning was so hectic dealing with ‘real’ clients that I didn’t have time to respond. I was thinking about letting ‘The Idiot’ answer, but after last time, I wouldn’t take the risk.
Just to let you know that Ginger (not Ginge, your Highness) is alive and wouldn’t hurt a fly, let alone Vera. And thanks for your asking, Alexander the Great, but my poor little pussy is doing just fine, euphemism or otherwise.
My double brandy calls…