Think you’re too old to fall in love? Well, here is Enduring Heart to prove you wrong and debunk some myths about older people. Read her experience of love and sex at 60.
Well, it’s happened. R and I finally met face to face after all these years. And, as expected, body to body. Oh, boy, did we.
So many emotions… to say I was both elated and confused is putting it mildly. If I sound conflicted, it’s because I am.
We managed 48 hours together. Just enough time to experience the thrill of feeling loved and cherished, and yes, sexually fulfilled.
And just enough time to see the cracks in the (perhaps) girlish hopes and dreams I’d been building since R and I first reconnected online. Things were not perfect. Not that I truly expected them to be. Maybe I just expected them to be a little more perfect than they were.
We definitely connected sexually, even if we both fell a little short of our imagined encounters. Turns out these older bodies of ours just couldn’t quite live up to what our apparently still 16-year-old libidos had hoped for.
But what we both may have lacked in stamina and flexibility we more than made up for in lack of inhibition and an abundance of imagination. All that sexting did the trick! And, I will say, that after my initial shyness and fear over having R see all my sags and wrinkles for the first time, I was fine.
He truly didn’t seem to care what age had done to me. He was much more interested in what we could do to each other!
So, sex with R, even with its slight limitations, was great. So why am I confused? Why have I come away from the reunion not quite sure what I’m feeling?
We did connect emotionally, at least to a degree. But no matter how many phone conversations we may have had, or emails exchanged, in some ways R and I are still strangers to each other.
Forty years of silence isn’t necessarily a quick and easy thing to get over. We both brought our baggage to the reunion. Marriages, past and present, guilt, health problems, emotional tics – it turns out there are some things I don’t like about R.
No doubt there are some things he doesn’t like about me. Small things, I think, or hope for both us. Nothing, I tell myself, that maturity and experience can’t overcome.
But, I think I wanted to hold on to that foolish 16 year old part of myself, the part that believed R and I would fall into each others arms, love and romance and emotional commitment already full blown and at least as important as the sexual aspects of what we are sharing.
But I’m not 16, not by a long shot, so I have to remind myself that there are 40 years between who R and I were then and who we are now. And being in each other’s company for 48 hours and sharing some pretty darned good sex doesn’t automatically build a complete relationship.
I have so many questions about how much further I want things to go with R. I have now been physically unfaithful to W and I feel guilty, but probably not as much as I should.
I know I will be unfaithful again. But will I go further? What if R and I give ourselves a real chance to get past the missing years, to truly let ourselves build a love that’s much more real than anything we may have experienced when we were teens?
I guess the bigger question is, are we even capable of it? And if we are, what does that mean to me, to W, to my family?
Right now I may be older, but I’m not really feeling much wiser. Funny how love, or at least the thought of it, does that to a person – no matter what their age.
Catch up with Enduring Heart:
I’m sure my story is not unique so please respond if you find anything strikes a chord. Or if you have an alternative experience of love and relationships in your 50s, 60s and beyond, please share it – it can only help everyone. Perhaps together we can dispel some myths and gain the confidence to enjoy a part of our lives that is not usually publicised.