21st Century man… discovers carrier bags
Tony Vassileiou has recently, and fervently, discovered just how useful the humble carrier bag can be
Posted by Elderjuice
on September 25, 2012. Filed under Banter.
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Courtesy of EdouardHue
There are defining moments for a man which mark the transitions between different chapters of his life. One of the less exciting of these moments made itself known to me the other day, irrefutably marking the end of my reckless and wild days as a carefree student.
You would think graduation might have done the trick there, but no. It took something far less grand and ceremonious to hammer home to myself that I am a fully-fledged adult.
I recently discovered that I care about bags, you know – plastic carrier bags.
Variety
I found myself gushing with opinions on the bags one receives from shops. Shapes, sizes, strengths and potential uses – to think I used to only care about girls and music and parties. Pff, what a loser.
When it comes to bags, there is a veritable forest of variety, with polythene trees and biodegradable blossoms, and nothing beats the feeling of possessing a good bag.
Good bags, bad bags
We use them for so many things. Take the lining the bin as an example. There are two types of bin: big, free-standing ones, which require a dedicated supply of black bin liners, and little ones that fit under the sink. I have the latter type, and those of you that also do will know the correct type of bag to use for lining them – supermarket carrier bags. They fit snugly and are in constant supply. Perfect.
Having said that, don’t you just hate it when you discover a bag with those stupid little holes in them? When I do, I instantly scrunch up the offending bag and chuck it into my bin – lined with a better, puncture-free bag.
I then fume at the supermarket that so brazenly stamps its logo on it. It’s like they are deliberately sabotaging my bin-lining enterprise. Forget scorned women – hell hath no fury like a man whose full bin is leaking through hitherto-undetected, neatly-punched holes in the bottom of the bag.
Special bags
And what of clothes bags and the like? We come by them less frequently, so it would be extravagant to expend these bigger and sturdier bags on mundane tasks like lining the bin.
We know this.
These bags are our crack troops, and we reserve them for special assignments like storing heavy items in the loft, or taking things round to other people’s houses. Except of course, for carrying alcohol.
There is only one bag of choice for the role of taking a bottle of wine round to a friend’s house – M&S bags.
These are not just bags… they are fantastic, thick, strong bags (they had better be if they are going to make you pay 5p for them now) and more importantly, they make you look reputable and well-to-do, even if you’re just carrying cheap plonk inside. And that is the most important thing of all.
This was the epiphany I had a few days ago – that there is such a thing a good polythene bag. I had it while I was storing away a load of plastic bags into, guess what – a bigger plastic bag.
More by Tony Vassileiou:
- 21st Century man can’t write a cheques
- 21st Century man… who needs books
- 21st Century man… raises an umbrella
- Can coffee prevent cancer?
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